06:53 am - *sigh*
I guess aerowolf
may be right, maybe I just can't make the right words come together in my life.
I went through a drawn-out series of contortions last afternoon. I'd agreed not to talk to Steph... but I had to talk to `Nyssa so I could get permission to talk to Steph for a couple minutes, and I figured out `Nyssa was at Steph's house.
So I called Steph's house, asked for Steph, asked for `Nyssa, asked for permission, talked to Steph, then back to `Nyssa to talk to her for a couple minutes.
Note to self: Long, convoluted series of logic like that simply don't work in practice, even though, down on paper, they make sense.
I called Steph to try to explain that... no, I wasn't surprised my choice, the choice I made when Allison gave me a single decision to pick from... hurt her.
I'm sorry it hurt her though. She just... *sighs* Must stop dwelling on that, I just wish I could explain to her in a way she'd understand, that I didn't want to hurt her, but when I was handed the choice to make, ANY
choice I made would have hurt her, and I realized that.
So no, I'm not surprised that the choice I made hurt her, all of them would have. It doesn't make me any less sorry the decision had to be made though.
Speaking of Allison, talked to her after that, and briefly before as well. Think I might have to re-arrange my plans this weekend, between her and the chance of my RPG group getting going again, might have to pause going to Matt and Sarah's if I can. Erf, that's gonna be a contortion of it's own. Need to get down there to 'tweak' their server and get it finished, but it's hard to get down there except on weekends, but I'm usually busy as hades on weekends. Erf. :-P
As to how talking to Allison makes that come around, she said she didn't have anything planned on Sunday. Would like to spend time with her then, if I can, go out or something instead of sitting around the house here like we usually do, if she wants to do something different. :-)
Would be nice to get the chance to just do something totally goofy and playful like go swimming somewhere in a nice big pool, lounge out beside it and stuff. But, well, she'd just getting over a sunburn, so that idea, while appealing to me, plain isn't doable. Ah well. Life goes on.
Been practicing a couple knots the last couple days, from a book I borrowed from Rick and Tess. There's some really, Really nice tricks in there. Did you know there's a knot that, properly tied, can be used to let you hang from the spike on an ice pick, with the point, well, pointing down? *nods* Yup, there is. This is a really nifty book for knots and fun uses of same. :-)
And while the book itself may not be kinky, some of the uses I can think of for the quick-attach, hard-to-release knots are quite kinky. >^.^<
Other than that, been doing sketching lately. Not the 2D kind though, oddly. Been stuck doing stuff in POVRay
for some reason, like a little blip I did in 10 minutes and dropped onto someone else's journal
Slept pretty good last night, though I had the fucking oddest, most wacked-out dream. Was some cross-breed between that Pre-Bay-Con party badwox
spoke of, and some of the imagery that FoxxFire
is (in)famous for, all blended together in the pretense of one of the jobs I do at work
for short-term internet service for large press events
every so often.
Yes, that's a lot of cross-referencing to try to understand a seriously fucked-up dream. Was oddly restful though, I crashed out shortly after talking to Allison and eating and stuff, and woke up around 2am unbelievably refreshed.
Anyways, ciao~3 comments