The expanses of WolfWings' land
scratched on the wall for all to see

July 13th, 2002
July 13th, 2002
July 13th, 2002
July 13th, 2002
July 13th, 2002

[User Picture]06:49 am - Well, I saw Reign of Fire today...

Interesting film. Feels around half ro three-quarters of an hour too short though, and severely rushed.

Looking at it from a bio/chemistry/physics perspective though, damn, it roxors in some places. Yeah, it's a little flimsy on the 'core principle' that the entire movie revolves around, but that's usually the one 'gimme' a movie can expect. :-)

Still, later today I'll be at Rick and Tess's cafe... Might see `Nyssa there if she shows up. Hope to talk to her, since she seems to think I'm trying to run off in a corner or something...

She's half-right. I am, but not for the reasons she states. I'm saying/typing this after being up for far too many hours, and being about to go crash for a while, so forgive a little rambling.

When this whole blow-up first happened... she compared me to Remy. And I heard roughly, from herself a bit less and from what was written she'd said in various places that she was somewhere between never wanting to have anything to do with me except perhaps as a one-night stand, and wanting me to effectively go away for a month and then see where things go from there.

I took this at as close to face value as the varied messaged would allow.

I'm determined not to lose touch with her and Steph over this, was when it happened. If I let that happen, I've let my flame snuff itself out like it always likes to do, let myself fall into a damnable funk again.

So with one side apparently telling me to, if nothing else, bug off for a month or so, and the other being the only side I could keep in touch with, well... I can see how she'd think I was trying to avoid her, or brush her off.

I didn't mean for it to feel like that, my intentions were good, or at least I hope they were, but I should have risked the bit of fire to explain my reasoning for my actions mroe throughly somewhere before doing them I guess, be it here or elsewhere.

As a quick example of you're even reading this, Allison, there was a reason I didn't comment on your recent request for sacrificial flesh. You're mildly wrong about me, hon. Yes, I love the feeling, the sensation of letting the more animalistic, feral, rampaging side of my blood flow through, in, and out of me. But I refuse to let myself become, in my soul, an animal like that. I refuse to be a series of one-night-stands for anyone... even you dear.

And ya' know something, hon? You may not realize this, but I don't think you could have physically chosen a more cutting phrase than to compare me to Remy, short of comparing me to my father, whom you've never met that I know of so for all I know you might have used that instead.

I read far too much into the written word, just as I take much of the spoken word too flatly, too emotionlessly, compared to it's true value and meaning.

And, sadly, my actions sometimes speak far louder than my words, and say things I wish they wouldn't.

And I hurt those I care about...11 commentsLeave a comment

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